Another month wasted; I, the culprit and only I can blame myself for this loss. Being an addict, I go overboard with about anything and everything I do. Especially with my emotions.
Love bares many masks. Mine so different then the rest but o’ just the same. When you love someone like I do, unconditionally and sometimes pathetically, you can’t help the overwhelming resentments you hold against yourself when you (I) act in a way to not just ruin the most beautiful thing since last seeing your mother alive, but knowing how right the love actually is.
I tend to stand in denile with most things but this I can not bare; the pain. The loss. The yearning. Just wanting to smell her skin or simply hold her hand. I could settle on seeing her smile or hearing her voice one last time. Endless thoughts of what could’ve been and what should be now. Though I’m most certain I’m not only at fault in this, I also know the things I have done, or not done in this case, have resulted in a misunderstanding between two beautiful people, myself and her, which others should never judge or become cynical but watch from afar as we mend things that are broken but can be repaired.
I’m a lost for words so I can only use a song verse that was written from me to her decades before either of us met:
“I can’t do everything, but I’ll do anything for you. I can’t do anything accept be in love with you”
I love her and she misunderstands me. I love her and i want to talk. Good things, no matter what speed bumps occur, do not end suddenly. Not even death resides in sudden change of heart. Love is factual. Love doesn’t diminish overnight or because of anger. If you love me, as I do love you, then defeat and opinion do not stand a chance. Only WE do…
My heart aches cause it’s torn. And I am the one who tore it again.
I Love You…