Arctic Monkeys “Do I Wanna Know?”


“Do I Wanna Know?”

Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift
The type that sticks around like something in your teeth?
Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you’re in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep
Spilling drinks on my settee

(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?
‘Cause I always do
Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through

Crawling back to you

So have you got the guts?
Been wondering if your heart’s still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts
Simmer down and pucker up
I’m sorry to interrupt. It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don’t know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together if you wanted to

(Do I wanna know?)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you (crawling back to you)

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? (you’ve had a few)
‘Cause I always do (’cause I always do)
Maybe I’m too (maybe I’m too busy) busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through

Crawling back to you

(Do I wanna know?)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day

(Do I wanna know?)
Too busy being yours to fall
(Sad to see you go)
Ever thought of calling darling?
(Do I wanna know?)
Do you want me crawling back to you?

My Romeo & Juliet Heartbreak


Another month wasted; I, the culprit and only I can blame myself for this loss. Being an addict, I go overboard with about anything and everything I do. Especially with my emotions.

Love bares many masks. Mine so different then the rest but o’ just the same. When you love someone like I do, unconditionally and sometimes pathetically, you can’t help the overwhelming resentments you hold against yourself when you (I) act in a way to not just ruin the most beautiful thing since last seeing your mother alive, but knowing how right the love actually is.

I tend to stand in denile with most things but this I can not bare; the pain. The loss. The yearning. Just wanting to smell her skin or simply hold her hand. I could settle on seeing her smile or hearing her voice one last time. Endless thoughts of what could’ve been and what should be now. Though I’m most certain I’m not only at fault in this, I also know the things I have done, or not done in this case, have resulted in a misunderstanding between two beautiful people, myself and her, which others should never judge or become cynical but watch from afar as we mend things that are broken but can be repaired.

I’m a lost for words so I can only use a song verse that was written from me to her decades before either of us met:

“I can’t do everything, but I’ll do anything for you. I can’t do anything accept be in love with you”

I love her and she misunderstands me. I love her and i want to talk. Good things, no matter what speed bumps occur, do not end suddenly. Not even death resides in sudden change of heart. Love is factual. Love doesn’t diminish overnight or because of anger. If you love me, as I do love you, then defeat and opinion do not stand a chance. Only WE do…

My heart aches cause it’s torn. And I am the one who tore it again.

I Love You…

A Calm Before the Storm


As I walk to a meeting tonight, I can’t help but think that this is what my life has become. Not one single thing defines me, but more like a cluster of things, and to which most I’m not proud of.

I wake up and go to work (if there is a job scheduled), and in the evening I work my other job (if I’m scheduled), or I sit in a chair that invisibly has my name written on it and listen to either how great or not so great a fellow addict is doing. The rest of the time I usually do nothing because I can’t afford to do anything. I’ve stopped going to the gym because I can’t afford it or I lack what most people have: a bank account, in which the gym can access and pull my money. I refrain from traveling the city of Boston looking for work because most weeks I can’t afford a transportation pass needed to ride the trains or buses. Because of these minor issues, which mend together as somewhat of a cluster, people’s conception of me turns sour and like a shotguns recoil, I agree.

Little things added together make something of a larger scale. Like the many baseball teams become the MLB or a handful of songs become an album, or because of my nearly homeless income becomes a false portrait of me today, addicts doing well can relapse due to this same scale.

Many people I know have died this month along with many more people I’ve never met but learned about, and the majority of their demise have something in common; they died from the first use in their relapse. Upon hearing their stories from others at meetings, people I live with, from social media, or from the funerals and wakes I have attended, it seems that by following each individuals problems or issues, events or lack-there-of, a cluster had been formed of mediocre catastrophes shaping into one giant one; resulting in their relapse which in return resulted in their death.

I strongly believe that through communication, networking, and humility, these people may as well be alive today. I only hope that we as addicts and the people who love us can start seeing the slow and sometimes fairly visible downward spiral that usually arises before the end. Like tremors to an earthquake, we become more aware and sometimes prepared for the apex of this disease.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone we have just lost from addiction and their families.

Service Is Part Of Recovery


What...Me Sober?

In any 12-Step (or any other) group, there are always people willing to step up and do the work, and others who remind me of the old joke about the construction worker who stood around, drinking water and leaning on his shovel, while telling his co-workers about how someday he was going to run the company. There are workers, then there are the day trippers and Sunday drivers – and that’s okay!

Recovery doesn’t happen like jumping into the pool with our clothes on. It’s more like sticking a toe in, then a foot, and so on. The hangers-on need to be doing that, until they are able to step up and become participants. The workers need it too, but perhaps some may do too much. It’s possible to become so enamored of service that we forget that we are just “bozos on the bus,” and begin to think we…

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The Epidemic of Drug Ignorance


Like always, the media controls the popularity of what topics we should talk about today. Blasted across headlines on newspapers or breaking news upon your television, the media buries itself inside your head and pulls you towards what they want you to know about. The media only takes what will bring an audience to their door and exploits it for everyone to see. So when a famous person dies of a drug or alcohol related incident, we instantly gravitate towards this realm of someone else’s opinion on the subject of addiction. And sadly, it’s sole purpose is ratings.

We can learn a lot, as addicts, from these headlined actors and musicians- famous people who struggled from this disease and sadly passed on. Whether it’s Whitney Houston, of who we all suspected of battling a drug problem, or the recent departures of Robin Williams and Philip Seymour Hoffman, who most of us only knew because of the dozens of movies we loved them acting in, they all shared a common ground, one that I share along with them. Addiction and the endless battle within.

I remember reading an article not too long ago, written by Michael Martinez, Ana Cabrera, and Sara Weisfeldt, all of whom are journalists for CNN, about a mother from Denver who has been battling the drug epidemic of pills and heroin. The article itself was informative and my heart goes out to the mother because I understand what she is going through. I can relate. But headlining in big bold letters the word epidemic attracts readers to the article so they will believe some sort of disease is spreading across the nation and that they must inform themselves about how not to get it.  Well, addiction doesn’t spread like the Ebola virus or some other deadly disease. These reporters were capitalizing on such headlines of recent that include these famous people of dying from such an awful habit but with all ignorance had not done their homework, which is as simple as this: the drug epidemic has been going on since the drugs themselves have been put to use.

The whole epidemic about pills, opiates in general like OxyContin or Percocet was happening over fifteen years ago, in the late 90’s. Heroin has been an epidemic long before headlines read that David Crosby (musician) or Keith Richards (musician) were struggling with its use back in the 1970’s. Only when a famous person dies does the topic of a certain drug addiction emerge, solely focusing on the fact that addiction can even happen to a famous, well liked, rich person, in which suddenly the term epidemic comes forth.

We have always had an epidemic of drugs. Good people die each day because of this disease, and it does not care if your famous or not or what color or gender you are. Addiction couldn’t  give two shits if your gay or straight or American or Asian. It has no rules other then to be used and to destroy innocent peoples lives. It’s sad and disturbing that it takes well known people for the topic to become something of an interest in society but still nothing will be done about it.

Most people have not changed their minds about how they still look at Robin Williams- one of the funniest comedians ever, or Philip Seymour Hoffman- an Academy Award Winning actor, after learning of their untimely deaths but Whitney Houston got the blunt end of the deal because the world witnessed the downfall of her career and talents through her reality television show and pictures in the tabloids. But the three of them- and the millions of other addicts throughout the planet- are all related and have gone through the similar things.

So remember the next time you hear about that awful robbery because an addict needed money to support his habit, or if you see a couple nodding asleep on the train ride to work, that these famous people you love so much could have easily been living the same life as the less fortunate addicts who don’t have a pot to piss in. This new epidemic isn’t so new at all. In fact, it’s been going on for some time…

 

Failure is Good


In Flow

Munchow_0239-161

Failure is inevitably linked with art – and life for that matter. Well, it’s also linked to success if you think about it. To put it a little harshly; if we don’t experience failures it’s because we don’t live – or we don’t create, when talking about arts. And if we don’t dare to make failure we will never succeed, either.

Life and art is about jumping from an airplane without knowing how a parachute really works, but hoping it will. It’s about taking chances, knowing that often they won’t lead to anything – or at «worst» to failure. I use brackets because failures aren’t necessarily bad. On the contrary; you can use them as stepping stones to learn more, to become better next time, to evolve, to grow. In my post Weakness as Potential Strength I wrote: By figuring out where our weaknesses lie, we can take steps to…

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3 Things You Can Do to Help Someone with an Addiction


Although every addict is different and nobody can make an addict get better except for the addict themselves, this is a very well written 3 step guide to follow if you want to become more aware on the subject.

jblea1016.com

If you love someone who’s struggling with an addiction, then you’ve probably asked yourself, “What can I do to help?” While there’s no way to act on someone else’s behalf or to force anyone to change, I do advise three (3) things that you can do to help your loved one.

1.  Educate yourself about:

The way Addiction works. Addiction runs along a measurable and predictable path. Really. Even if other people say otherwise, the cold hard truth is that addiction develops. Really, once someone uses a substance for a specific purpose, that use is pretty indicative that full-blown Addiction is only a matter of time. Also, there are different types of Addiction (ingestive, process; psychological and physical); therefore, the more you can learn about the way substance use progress to abuse and towards Addiction, then the more likely you can look at your loved one as someone who is…

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