Say Goodbye

As I write this I’m traveling on a train to hangout with my sponsee and his family but first I need to survive these crazies dressed as Ghouls and Zombies and I need to stop looking at every one of these girls dressed in skimpy cloths while they imitate the character of their choice like a sexy baseball player or a sexy cop. Little do they know how cold they’re going to be the minute they walk off the train.

More importantly, and back on subject, my Halloween consists of explaining 12 step work in the NA program to my sponsee. I love this young man because I love myself today and at one time I was in the exact position with the exact same feelings that he buried deep inside himself. Tonight may or may not be difficult for him but it will be somewhat of an honor for me; today I’m available and able, in a qualifying way, to help him battle his addiction the same way I needed to battle my addiction. Tonight he will learn how much I relate to him. It’s a beautiful thing, helping an addict who desperately wants it. Seriously, beauty comes in so many different ways and this is the one way that, unfortunatly, the rest of the world misses out on.

It’s hard though. I recall crying many times while I trudged through the steps myself but that’s every feeling you’ve stuffed inside for years and years and it’s time to say goodbye to them.

It’s also time to say goodbye to another fellow addict who sadly and wrongly passed on today. I messaged her a couple months back, trying to encourage her not to give up after I read a negative post on fb, and the conversation turned positive almost immediately. She lost both parents to drug overdoses when she was a child and her sister died from one 5 months ago. It’s tragic and sad but it makes me mad; that we can’t do more for the suffering addict and what’s going on inside there head. The entire family has died of drugs and nothing changes, but if an entire family got murdered then authorities would never stop searching for the murder suspect and it would become headline news. Organizations would blanket the subject and make a fuss and raise money and have vigils and maybe- just maybe- we would be heard.

But that won’t happen. Heaven has gained another Angel. A beautiful smart tough young young woman who has helped save so many addicts lives. She earned her wings it seems. If we could only say goodbye, maybe we could look at everything differently. .

Author: Jake Mitchell

Writing nonfictional & brutally honest experiences, stories, & events, from my life; both before, during, and following my intense destruction of myself and the people who were around me. All because I lived a life of lies, manipulation, and self-imprisonment, just a few of the many truths when you're an Active Addict. Although I'm very blunt, I tend to (or at least try to) write as humble, selfless, & full of gratitude, while sharing some of the tragedies and situations which most likely occured due to my addiction and the way I exsisted during that time of my life, as I only cared about and fiened for my next high or score. Please comment on any material I post. Although I'm quite ashamed and embarrassed for most of the actions, decisions, and outcomes, that happened during my torturous years of Active Addiction, I don't regret any of it. Now, by writing about these true stories and events, I'm hopeful another addict can relate to my pain, distress, and the Hell of using drugs. This HELL, becomes therapeutic and important for my recovery, reminding me that I am not the o my person who has ever done or thought these things. And through relating, I may be able to help another addict.

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